My family doesn’t feel like my family anymore…. and it is especially hard to think about around the holiday season when I start reminiscing about Thanksgivings and Christmas past. I wish that time could reverse back to when I was a little girl and Christmas morning still had that magical feeling. I have no idea what it is going to feel like now: sad, depressing, like it is missing a crucial piece? Will it always be like this??
I’ve come to understand that just because someone has the same last name as you or you carries the same blood doesn’t make them family. Having relatives isn’t everything and family doesn’t always come first… in fact….
Family is a title that should be earned, not given.
“Family” is something that people learn about at birth.
Their parents are their family, their grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins are all family. Growing up we consider these people as the closest people to us, the people who will be there for us through everything, never leaving our side. Well, that isn’t always the case. People change, people leave, and just because people are considered your “family” doesn’t mean that they won’t hurt you.
I’m not saying that everyone’s family will hurt them, but just because they are blood relatives, that doesn’t mean that they will always be by your side and there for you. When my parents got divorced I felt like I being forced to choose a side of my family, and ever since I feel like one side of my family judges me/dislikes me for making a decision based purely on the fact I didn’t want to uproot my entire life again.
They were always there for me, they cared about me and they made me laugh. They also were there when I did things wrong and needed to get punished. They were the ones that were there for me and helped me grow into the person I am today. However, things change, sometimes we lose the people we consider the closest to us… things happen.
Yeah, I still see what’s going on in their lives through social media or hear it “through the grapevine,” but it isn’t the same. I look at all the old photos of us and just think of how things used to be… and it sucks. It’s no one’s fault I understand that. Yes, I could have fought harder to stay in their lives and be an actually part of it. But do you know how emotionally hard it is to put everything you have into something or someone who honestly just doesn’t seem interested.
So people move on, life moves on, and we need to accept that sometimes we lose people we love along the way. I know they still care even when they don’t show it, and it means so much to me that they do and if the don’t I hold onto the hope that a part of them still does, but they’ve moved on. They have their own families now and new lives and I’m becoming okay with not being a part of it.
I know they would never in a million years do anything to hurt me, but right now I need them to know that I am hurting and mostly because they choose to not stand by and support me. I also need them to know I have forgiven and understand why they made that choice, but I’m not ready to let them into that part of my life again. They still cross my mind and I know (or at least I hope) I still cross their minds every once in a while.
I see all the new and exciting things happening in all their lives and it makes me so happy for them! I can’t believe how long it’s been since all the summers playing in the backyard, all the holiday get togethers, trying to hide cousins in the closet so they couldn’t leave, and just all the time spent together laughing and feeling like a real family and I miss it!
I want y’all to know you all left such an important mark on my life and really helped me become who I am. All I can say is thank you and that you’ll always be a part of my “family.”. Who knows maybe one day things will be different, maybe our kids will play together and try to hide each in their closets. But for now know that I pray for you, I still care for you, and I’m always here!!
My new corner 